Monday, September 12, 2011
I don't even know what to title this post. I don't even know what I really want to write about at this point. I guess I just don't know what to do. I feel like we are running around in emotional circles here. One minute we are so happy and whatever and then two seconds later we are fighting like we hate each other again. I know that there is a lot of outside stuff going on right now with our families and jobs/election stuff, but how can we keep doing this to each other. I always thought that we were meant to be. I thought that when I married him I was going to spend the rest of my life with him being deliriously happy. I thought that we were just going to do whatever we needed to and the love and passion that we shared would never fade away. Instead we have turned into that couple that barely ever sleeps in the same bed. (Partially because of our co-sleeping infant, but still.) Last night was the first time we had slept in the same bed together without a baby for over six months. As he turned to the wall to get comfortable I swear it was like a knife to my heart. I thought we were going to cuddle. I thought that it was going to be loving and instead it was sleep time. Yes, I was exhausted too but I wanted to spend some time cuddling at least. I don't know how we got here and I don't know how to stop being resentful so that we can get back to where we were. I don't know what to do and it is killing me. I wish that everything could just be okay so that we could stop fighting like this. I can't believe we can hurt each other like this and still pretend like everything is okay. I wish that we could both stop being angry. Really I do.
Thursday, September 8, 2011
I wish that I knew why my husband stayed with me. Why on Earth would he stay with me when he seems to hate me so much? I do nothing but make him miserable. I don't do it on purpose and half the time I don't even realize I am doing it until he is mad. Why stay with me when I am such an awful person? Why stay when everything about me makes him feel bad?
Tuesday, September 6, 2011
It's funny how time changes everything. Let me explain. This weekend (labor day weekend) marked the 6 anniversary of when the hubby and I got engaged. I remember every other weekend since then waking in the morning thinking about that weekend. Thinking about the amazing meal we had and how romantic he was. Funny how now I can't even remember what I ate. Funny how this weekend I didn't even remember that it was an 'anniversary' of any sort. Funny how time changes everything and how it even makes you forget.
Monday, September 5, 2011
We officially have no one to watch our babies... which makes having a date with my husband impossible. So date #2 was out the window but we made the best of it that we could. We spent the day out and about doing things with the kids. Then we went to my MIL's house and she kept the babies upstairs while we watched a movie in the basement. Not exactly a date by any means but at least we got an hour and a half of peace and quiet to pay attention to a whole movie! I don't remember the last time I made it through a movie without one of the babies making some kind of fuss. My recommendation to anyone without kids... wait. Wait until you are fully prepared. Wait until your marriage can handle the hurricane force that children blow through your marriage with. As much as I love my two cuties... they certainly do nothing for intimacy in my marriage.
Thursday, September 1, 2011
So Date number two will be on Sunday... babysitters willing of course :) I don't really know what we are going to do, but I hope it is as fun as the last date. Things have been slightly rocky in the past few weeks. It seems sometimes that no matter what either one of us does the other is always getting mad and frustrated. I hope that someday we can get past all of this. Otherwise it's just a waste of time really isn't it?